Here are the 8 types of people you’re likely to see on results day...
1. The Happy One
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Usually found in their natural habitat against a wall, reading off their results on the phone to their mum with an enormous grin on their face, this person has got the results they were hoping for. During the exam season, The Happy One locked themselves in the library and is well deserving of their results. Go you Happy One!
2. The Boastful One
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This person saunters around the room smugly, they've already opened their results an hour earlier when they were asked to come in for a photo shoot for the local newspaper. "What did you get, a B?" they enquire incredulously, "I got an A*, naturally." You can only hope the Boastful One spends all of their student loan within a month and has to spend the rest of term eating Lidl Pot Noodles for every meal so they don't starve.
3. The Weepy One
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You’ll hear the Weepy One before you even enter the room, they're howling on the floor, drying their eyes with their results envelope. For them, it is the end of the world that they didn't get the results they were expecting, even know they know that it isn't and they just need to
go through Clearing.
Although the whole room can turn on the Weepy One though if they are wallowing over being given an A instead of an A*. Eventually the Weepy One will venture outside so their parents can gently lead them back to the car with the promise of a McDonald’s breakfast.
4. The Adamant One
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Often seen harassing a teacher or two, the Adamant One is certain they have been wronged and demands immediate remarks. It is impossible that they got a C on the exam when they wanted an A, which the Adamant one makes no mistake in telling their teacher. The Adamant One grumpily takes a stack of remark forms and sits down somewhere to fill all 17 in.
5. The Nonchalant One
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The Nonchalant One didn't even know what exam they were sitting until they sat down at their table and looked at the paper. Glancing over the exam specification moments before the exam is the Nonchalant One’s style and annoyingly, they'll always do well. "Nothing major, three As" they'll answer when you ask what they've got. All in all, they will be in the room for ten minutes tops before leaving to go back to bed.
6.The Sneaky One
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Blink and you'll miss the Sneaky One. The Sneaky One meanders through the hoards of people, signs the sheet, swipes their results and is away again. They don't have the time or the energy to open their results in front of everyone and control their reaction. Their car will be disappearing from the horizon by the time someone asks, "Was Ben here just now?"
7. The Privileged One
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No matter if the Privileged One got three As or three Us, they will still be in a car showroom an hour later picking out their reward and bragging about it on social media. The Privileged One doesn't hesitate to inform you of the monetary value of each of their grades and will coyly ask you whether you think that they should get a brand new Fiat 500 or have a holiday to Dubai as their A Level present.
8. The Absent One
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The Absent One will send their clueless relative in to collect their results and will see their print out on FaceTime while they're on a Lillo in Malia, soaking up some rays. No doubt the Absent One will have sent their relatives their UCAS Track log in details to deal with their university and/or the Clearing process too. The Absent One quickly agrees to whatever their relative suggests as the next move before ending their FaceTime call, they have a boat party to attend after all.
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